


burden

by sabinelagrande



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling, Episode: e115 The Chapter Closes, F/M, Insomnia, Loss, Non-Sexual Intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:51:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12791058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: And somewhere in the middle of it, Keyleth stops sleeping.





	burden

Keyleth gets through the first night. No one wakes her up when Grog loses his soul, which is fine; she's tapped out magically and emotionally and really is in no state to help anyone with anything. So that night, she clings to Trinket and cries until her head hurts, only knowing that she falls asleep because she wakes up.

Things get harder after that. Figuring out where Grog is and how to get there and how to get his soul back takes a few days, bouncing back and forth to do research and spending nights in Scanlan's mansion. Somewhere in it, at one or two or three in the morning, Keyleth just stops going to bed. It's hard the next day, not having all of her powers back at her disposal, but one night turns into another. She doesn't even go to her room; she just sits in the dining room of the mansion, sipping mugs of some hot Marquesian drink and looking at nothing.

It's better to be sleepless here, where there are no indications of time; the mansion exists in an eternal twilight, in its own sunless, moonless plane. She can measure out her time in cups instead of hours, in tiles counted instead of sleep lost. With everyone asleep, Keyleth can forget herself, pretend like she is all alone, imagine that Vax has merely gone up to his room instead of where Keyleth can't follow.

It's funny; black is the color she associates most with Vax, but the world seems colorless without him, dimmed.

"This stuff is good," she says to the ghostly servant stationed beside her, on what is either the third or fourth night; Scanlan has gotten it into his head that Keyleth needs to be attended at all times, but it's weirdly comforting to talk at his spectral staff. "Did you make this?"

The servant does not answer, which is not a surprise.

So she doesn't know what time it is when Percy and Vex come into the dining room. Both of them have a look of frustrated concern, and Keyleth wonders if they know how similar they look when they share it; it seems a little early in their marriage for the two of them to start looking alike. Keyleth wants to share that with them, but maybe she doesn't have the energy right now.

"Keyleth, darling," Vex says, in a gentle voice, like Keyleth is an animal to be coaxed; maybe Vex isn't wrong about that. "I'm not going to ask you if you know what time it is, but I am going to ask you to come to bed."

"You guys don't have to worry about me," Keyleth says, waving her off. "I'll see you in the morning."

"We've already decided to be worried," Percy says. "We could give you a half-a-dozen strategic reasons for it-"

"Or we could just say that we care," Vex says. "So please, it's time for you to at least pretend to get some sleep."

"I'm fine," Keyleth says; she feels the quaver in it, the weakness, but she holds it together, at least for now.

"You don't believe that," Percy says, which is true. "You don't have to explain yourself or give us any excuses. If you don't want to talk, you don't have to. But please, let us take you to bed."

Vex gives him a look. "Really?"

"What did I say?" he says, frowning. "I mean, we're going to take Keyleth to her room and put her in her bed, aren't we?"

"How can you be so clever and not understand innuendo when it comes out of your own mouth?" Vex asks, still giving him that same look.

Percy's brow furrows for a moment, but then his eyes widen. "Ohhh," he says. He pats Keyleth's shoulder. "You're lovely and very dear to both of us, but we don't want to take you to bed."

"I appreciate that," Keyleth says. She really does, because it would feel like a betrayal right now, with everything so fresh and raw and close to the surface.

"As do I," Vex says wryly.

"But let us conduct you to your room," Percy says, putting out a gentlemanly hand.

Keyleth stretches, suddenly realizing that her back is sore from the chair; maybe she can not sleep just as well somewhere more comfortable. "Okay," she says, taking Percy's hand.

She lets herself be led to her now-familiar bedchamber, where Vax is not. Something of the spell is broken with Vex and Percy with her; it doesn't feel like she'll find him when she pushes the door open. She can't decide if she misses that feeling, but at least for the moment, she'd rather not think about it.

The covers are already turned down, but Vex fluffs the pillows, setting each of them down with a pat. "Get comfortable, dear. We mean to see you put to bed."

Percy turns around, looking resolutely at the door. "I'll be over here."

There's a screen, so it's not like he would see anything anyway, but Keyleth appreciates it all the same. She undresses and slips into one of Scanlan's sumptuous silk nightgowns, and Vex gathers her clothing, draping it over the top of the screen, her antlers placed carefully in their appointed nook in the wall.

"You can look," Keyleth says, as she gets into bed; it feels so wide with no one else in it, and she wonders if it was that big before Vax too.

Percy turns around, walking over to join Vex by the bed. "What can we get for you?" he asks.

Keyleth is suddenly seized with fear, the fear that they are going to leave and leave her alone, all by herself in this place that reminds her so much of what she doesn't have. "Would you-" she says, feeling guilty for asking before the words even leave her mouth. "I don’t want to impose."

"What is it, dear?" Vex says gently.

"You could never be an imposition to us," Percy says, with absolute certainty.

"Would you stay?" Keyleth asks.

Vex and Percy look at each other, sharing a nod, then start taking off their shoes. Keyleth thinks for a moment that there's been another misunderstanding, but that's as far as Vex undresses before she climbs into bed with Keyleth; Percy only takes off his coat and vest before getting in on the other side. This could be so awkward, but somehow it feels natural when Vex puts her arms around Keyleth, holding her. Percy cuddles in close to the two of them, giving Keyleth his arm to rest her head on. Keyleth felt so isolated, so detached from everyone, but in this space her friends are impossible to ignore, the evidence of how much they care incontrovertible. 

"I feel like I'm alone," Keyleth says, looking up at the ceiling so she doesn't have to say it to their faces.

"You never have to be alone if you don't want to be," Vex says, brushing a stray lock of hair off Keyleth's forehead. "We'll look out for each other. You have my word on that."

"And mine," Percy says.

"Thank you," Keyleth says, though it feels thin and meager, insufficient to convey what she feels.

Percy laces his fingers into Keyleth's where they rest on her stomach. "You'd do the same for us."

Keyleth wasn't quite sure about that going in, but this feels so nice, so soothing and calming, that now she thinks she'd be happy to do it herself. And then it occurs to her that maybe she is; Vex lost a brother and Percy a friend, and just because they have each other doesn't mean that's it, that's the sum of everything they need to be okay.

She tightens her grip on both of them and pulls them closer.

And somewhere, somehow, Keyleth falls asleep between them. It is not dreamless or easy, but when she rouses, startling out of sleep with some nightmare, her friends are there, Percy muttering soft words of reassurance, Vex with a gentle quip to set Keyleth at ease. She wakes in the morning to the sound of the two of them sitting up against the headboard and talking softly, not about her but about everyday things, plans for Whitestone. 

Keyleth still feels exhausted, but she feels her magic replenished again; she puts a hand on her chest, letting it flow into her in a restoration spell, taking the edge off of her weariness. The incantation attracts Percy and Vex's attention, and both of them turn to her. She feels for a moment a sense of expectation, but it passes when she realizes that neither of them are asking her anything, nor waiting for some proclamation.

"I'm starving," Keyleth says, because it seems like the easiest thing to fix, because she doesn't know how to thank them.

"You aren't the only one," Vex says, and the way she says it makes Keyleth wonder if she missed an argument.

"Breakfast lentils all around, then," Percy says. He slips out of bed, and Vex goes with him. 

"We'll see you downstairs?" Vex asks.

"In a minute," Keyleth says. This seems to be satisfactory, and Vex and Percy each give her a kiss on the forehead before they leave.

When they're gone, Keyleth rises, stretching out before she takes off her nightgown, trading it for her normal clothes. She takes down her antlers, brushing off a stray bit of dirt before putting them on. They're just as heavy as usual, but today she feels lighter, like it's a little easier to breathe.

She leaves her room, and she doesn't look back to see if Vax is coming.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [burden [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13145811) by [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass)




End file.
